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Home Health & Lifestyle The Sex Column How to Get Over Your Ex

How to Get Over Your Ex

How to Get Over Your Ex


Break-ups are difficult for everyone. Usually they are harder on the girl, but there are times when that girl was so special that you can’t resist but to curl up in a ball and “cry” over her. And while that feeling that makes you sick to your stomach, to the point where you never think you’ll get better or find “love” again, the future that lies ahead is one of grand prospect. If things didn’t work out with your ex, it was probably for a great reason, and if it was over a stupid reason, you two will probably find your way back into each other’s arms. But for those that can understand that this break-up was for good, the first thing you have to do is get over her and move on with your life. Here are some steps to do just that:



Cut off All Communication

While this may seem rash, and although you want to retain your “friendship, you’ve got to act with intent purpose by keeping your eye on the goal: getting over her. Once the break-up is official and you know this is for real (and not one of those hissy fits where you get back together in a week), you’ve got to cut off all communication with her in which you can view her photos, see what’s she doing, where she is, etc. That means, deleting her as a friend from Facebook, MySpace, AIM, or whatever social networking platforms you use. You don’t want to see her pictures. If you see her with a guy, you’ll assume things, just jump to the wrong kind of conclusions, get mad, and act inappropriately. You don’t want to talk with her on the phone or online. It will just make you miss her. You don’t want to be reminded of what she’s doing or where she’s going. Don’t lose focus- you’re not trying to keep tabs on her, you’re trying to move forward with your life.

The first step in moving forward is to learn from past mistakes and blunders to better your future.  Your ex was a speed bump in the road. Having a short memory is a wonderful thing for this type of situation. While you don’t want to forget the memories and great times you shared as well as the bad times where you’ll consequently learn how to be a more caring individual, you don’t want to stay hung up on the fact that she was the only person you can share great memories with.



Keep Busy

Getting over your ex requires you to stop thinking about her; and that’s what cutting off communication with her is going to help with. But the mind is a wonderful tool that can also play tricks on you. Your mind has instilled in it impressions of the good times you two shared together. That’s why you need to take additional measures.

Usually what I’ve noticed is that the hardest times are upon waking in the morning and when going to bed. This is a major indicator of what makes you miss her. You miss her when your body and mind are wound down, with not too much going on upstairs. When you are lonely and you start to think about things (and in general, life), you miss those times you shared. However, during the day, when you are preoccupied with other things, you rarely think about her, or when you do think about her it isn’t as amplified as when you are alone. That should insinuate for you to keep as busy as possible throughout the early morning, day, and night. Getting lost in your work, other ventures, and your social life will help you tremendously. If you work a 9-5, go out to happy hour with co-workers. If you have a lot of spare time on your hands, take up a new business project. Do whatever you can to get out of the house. The more you’re alone, the more you’ll start to think about how alone you are. Do everything to avoid this. The only time you should be home during this recovery stage is to sleep or have friends over. That’s it.

Furthermore, notice how the two most opportune times to think about her are while in bed- that means you miss the physical aspect of the relationship as well, which leads us to our next step: finding a new girl to be physical with.



Find the Next Girl

Although it may sound cliché, like a million fish in the sea, there are millions of girls out there that are actually smarter, prettier, and a better person than your ex was. There’s always something better out there. And for those of you who are still caught up in thinking their ex was absolutely perfect, it’s because you haven’t met those other girls yet. No girl is perfect. You need to put yourself out there and meet new girls, because there are so many other special girls out there who will care for you just as much, who will love you just as much, who will go the extra mile to please you, who will do all the same little things for you that your ex did and then some.

Nothing will get your mind off of your ex than when you develop feelings for a new girl. When you fall for a different girl, which will happen (despite the fact that you may think your ex was the “one” and you’ll never find happiness again- trust me, you will), it is as if your ex never existed. If you broke up recently, you may say to yourself that you never want to feel that way, but in due time, I promise, you will feel that way and should feel that way. You’ve got to move on with your life and leaving that excess baggage behind you that is only slowing you down is the only way to do that. While you may still love your ex as in wishing the best for her because of the great times you’ve shared, once you get to this point, you won’t be in love with her. This is not to say that you’ll immediately fall in love with this new girl, but it will shed light on exactly what I am saying- that there are so many girls out there that are actually even better than your ex. You might actually start to wonder why you ever got involved with your ex, because it is that enlightening. I am not suggesting that this is going to work out this way 100% of the time…there is always that exception that once getting to this point of meeting new girls and where a lot of time has elapsed, you really still are in love with your ex (then maybe that girl really is the one for you and you need to consequently get back with her). However, this is the exception and not the rule. Most relationships don’t work out for a compelling reason.




Don’t Move Too Fast

Once you’ve moved on, keep things in perspective. If you like a new girl, that’s great, but weigh your options and determine whether or not you actually want to move too fast. If that’s something you need, go right ahead. But don’t just settle for any girl because you’re lonely. 

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