How Do I Stop the Fighting Before It Starts?

Reader’s Question:

My girlfriend and I fight all the time. She gets so defensive. How do I stop the fighting before it starts?

Girl’s Answer:

I just learned this trick from a pre-marital counseling seminar and I think it works to keep the other person from being on the defensive and stop fights before they start. What you can do is to reveal your own feelings about a situation instead of pointing the blame on your partner. For example, instead of saying, “You are so disrespectful!” which focuses on the other person, instead, focus on yourself, “I feel disrespected when you _____” and then state a specific incidence. This rule of thumb will prevent name calling, and will prevent the other person from feeling attacked because you are focusing on how things affect you instead of what the other person is doing. Try it! It works!

Midori is the girl behind www.datingadvicefromagirl.com. Think old fashioned Carrie Bradshaw dishing out mother approved dating advice. She currently resides in Seattle.

1 COMMENTS

Nayansagar February 24, 2010 02:57 PM
I would say it vary case to case. I mean all women are not same. One of my GF is so much possessive and extremely caring so I always found myself trying to save myself from her bombarding of words.lol Sometime I feel that why I am talking to this lady but when I think of her intention I respect her more and more.

But I implement few ideas.

1- Always listen what she is saying without saying anything.. Women always wants love to talk about whether its good or bad topic so just listen not matter she talk anything which sounds crap to us. Because it may sounds useless to us but their intentions are always great.. Trust me I do the same. ;)

2- I accept what she is trying to say and then I just grab her hand and tell her that "Honey I am sorry." There is game over. Once she is normal then I clarify the things with her and she also listen to me.

3- Beware which words we use. Majorly women focus on words and men on actions or thoughts. Don’t assume that you mean something and if you will use any negative word so she will get it. Never make this mistake.

So bottom line is that Women are always loving and caring. The more she loves you the more she will fights with you (Majorly when women just talk men thinks she is fighting while actually she is not). So listen her and you are winner.

view more comment