5 Practical Ways for Women to Get Over a Crush
We’ve all probably been there before. Getting crushed by a crush. Pining for someone who didn’t return our interest. It’s sometimes shocking how long it takes to get over some crushes. You try to knock some sense into yourself, thinking, You never even dated! How are you still hanging onto this person???!! But the heart wants what it wants right? The heart wants to keep wanting, but thank goodness the head makes the ultimate decision in the end. Here are some practical steps to getting over someone you never really had.
1. The first step is to stop "romanticizing" this person in your head.
We all from time to time believe in the myth of the perfect stranger, as author Gordon Livingston puts it. Notice how before any relationship, the person you are idealizing from afar seems so perfect? The truth is they are not flawless. This person was not prince charming. He was not perfect. And most importantly, he was not your dream man. Why? Because every woman's prince charming shares this one trait: He is crazy about her. If he wasn't crazy about you enough to pursue you, then he is not your dream man no matter how amazing he is. What you need most from a man is to be loved and cherished, and if he is not crazy about you, he won’t naturally feel propelled to love and cherish you, even if you someone did manage to get his attention.
2. Get rid of any hope of getting together.
Any hope will keep you from moving on. Do you really want to be with a man who you have to wait for, a man who needs help noticing you? Do not excuse him and call him shy. I’m engaged to an introvert. Shy is not the same thing as uninterested. My guy might be a man of few words, but the day we met, he already made a point to show interest and call me. If a shy guy wants something bad enough, he will go after it. Your crush didn’t go after you, so open up your life so that another man can enter into it who will go after you and truly pursue your heart.
3. Now you have to protect your mind. He does not have the right or the privilege of residing in there.
If you have no place in his heart, then he has no right to enter your mind.
If you don't allow yourself to think about him, you will not miss him, and you will not be burdened by your past memories of him.
So very practically speaking, every time he enters your mind, do not allow yourself to dwell on the thought. Immediately think of something else to replace that thought. For example, you can choose to think of the next pair of shoes you want to get, or plans for the weekend, or what you're going to eat for your next meal. The point is to replace him with this chosen subject every time he enters your mind.
Even if it's as simple as thinking of a green granny smith apple every time the thought of him comes to your mind, eventually it will be second nature and then eventually you will get over this guy.
Remember, you are the gatekeeper of your mind. You have the power to stop a train of thoughts. When a thought enters, you can blockade that thought by replacing it with another. Empower yourself with this truth.
4. Do not allow yourself to talk to your friends about him.
Tell them you don't want them to talk about him to you either. The saying "Out of sight, out of mind" isn't true. I believe what's true is "Out of mind, out of heart."
You cannot miss someone you do not think of or talk about.
5. The last step is to go out there and meet more eligible bachelors!
Ask your friends to go speed dating with you for fun! Go with no expectations but just to try something nerve-wracking, heart pumping, and exciting. Meet men online, but don’t answer men’s ads. Instead, put your ad up so that a man has to find you and pursue you. Go to places men hang out: REI garage sales, spectator sports, competitions. Take a class in fencing or hang out in the weight section of your local gym and smile at men. Most times, if there is a mutual attraction, an inviting smile and eye contact is all a man needs to approach you. Ask your friends to set you up on blind dates. Do all you can, with all the resources you can, as soon as you can so you can get out there and meet men. The best way to get over one crush is to find another (who just happens to return the interest!)
Midori is the girl behind www.datingadvicefromagirl.com. Think old fashioned Carrie Bradshaw dishing out mother approved dating advice. She currently resides in Seattle.
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Date Published : 2010-02-16 12:40:17
Written By : Midori Barizo
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